I guess now would be a pretty good time to fill you all in on how God led me to go to Honduras this fall and how He worked it out:) You may have read some of this in my letter already, but there’s a lot here that you certainly haven’t read yet as well!
I went to Honduras spring break of last year with a team from my school. We went to Orphanage Immanuel which is a large orphanage in the northern mountain of Guaimaca. It houses more than 600 children, most of these have been brought in from the government orphanages and have extreme situations of abuse and neglect. I went there fully expecting to devote all my energy to loving these kids. During this time, however, I got seriously sick with strep
throat and spent most of my time flat on my back in bed. Ironically, every
night one of the missionaries there would share their story of how they came to
work at the orphanage, and each one included a story of how awful their first
experience was and how God later called them back against their wishes. I,
however, firmly decided that I would not go back. I distinctly remember thinking,
“Really, you don’t understand, I’ve been hoarking up a lung in bed. I’m not coming
back here!” I loved the country itself, but I certainly was not going to go back to that orphanage!
At the beginning of last summer, I prayed for God to give me a theme for me to be learning about and praying through. He gave me the word “destiny.” I was befuddled. “What kind of a word is that?” (I think the most confusing thing for me was that subconsciously I thought that destiny was far too much of a new age word to be inGod’s vocabulary.) I also didn’t really see how I could learn about such a vast thing as “DESTINY.” It took a friend to point out that maybeGod wanted me to be seeking Him about my future and what He had been planning for me. After that I committed to praying over this 4 or 5 nights a week.
I would go out on a walk and pray around sunset a few nights a week. God first began by affirming my worth to Him and His love for me. I witnessed some of the most beautiful sunsets and sights I have ever seen- pictures which are still tattued on my memory. Next He taught me things about myself through multiple analogies drawn from my natural surroundings, and finally during the last few weeks of the summer, He began to tell me what He was planning.
At the beginning of the summer, a friend had told me about his trip to Honduras. He told me about a Honduran widow there, no richer than anyone else (which means dirt poor), who had decided to start taking in orphans off the streets. She couldn’t really give them anything that they didn’t have already except a roof and some love. This story had haunted me throughout the Summer. I’ve heard heart-breaking and inspiring stories like this before, but for some reason this one wouldn’t leave me alone. It came to mind at random times that didn’t even make sense like eating pizza or playing at the beach. I was really confused and kind of disconcerted by this, but kept shrugging it off.
As I prayed through the Summer, God first told me that my long-formed plans of having a safe-house for girls was “not yet”. Later He then told me that He wanted me to focus on orphans. This was all very surprising and I just decided to wait and see if He kept confirming it.
About 2 weeks before the end of the Summer, I had this dream. I was standing in the doorway of this hut, looking out at a dirt road. My friend who had told me about the widow in Honduras came walking by. He was holding a little girl in rags. He handed her to me and said, “Here’s another one. As I woke up I heard a voice say, “I want you to go there.”
I just want to insert right here that if you are feeling kind of wierded out by all this, I totally relate. These weren’t really ways that God usually communicated with me, and I honestly was most prone to discounting them as my over-active imagination. I sincerely did not and do not want to make up “God’s voice.”
That morning I really prayed through it, but I told God that I was going to wait for confirmation so as to be sure that I didn’t just make it up. If it was His plan, He would have to make it happen. That morning I read my devotions in 2 Kings. Then I really felt God telling me to call my Dad. I called him and really didn’t give him a chance to talk. I told him everything I told you, except in a much more hap-hazard way. I probably didn’t take more than 2 breaths. At the end, I paused. There was silence. “So… what do you think? I’ll probably go next fall for at least 2 months, maybe 6…”
“Well, I just came out of a conversation with a professor here about how important dreams are, and how God used them multiple times throughout the Bible.”
Then he proceeded to tell me that I needed to wait on God. He gave me the verse Psalm 46: 10, which says, “Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted above the nations. I will be exalted in all the earth.”
He told me that this verse does not really refer to the meditating passive stillness that many would imagine. It was written by Hezekiah when he was under siege by Sennacherib. The two choices for Hezekiah seemed either to surrender and be at his mercy or to go out and fight against an armyin a last suicide mission. Instead , God commands him to “Be still” and acknowledge the kingship of God.
The craziest thing about this was that in my devotions that morning I had just read about Hezekiah going under siege. I had finished at the exact point where Hezekiah would have written Psalm 46.
Because of this conversation, I decided to wait and pray until God should show me a path. I was open to whatever He wanted to do, but I wasn’t interested in making His plan come together. If He wanted it to work, He was capable of making it happen.
That fall I would wake up every morning and recite Psalm 46: 10 to myself. It really helped me to loosen up on my ideas of what I thought needed to happen on any specific day and commit to letting God work out His schedule (He’s pretty good at it;D) Honestly, I had never heard so many people talk about Honduras. Many of my close friends and family mentioned Honduras without having any idea I wanted to go there. I started writing down in a journal whenever someone talked about it. The list grew to a few pages.
Alright, I’m going to continue this story in my next post.
If you have any questions or commentary, please feel free to reply. I’d love to hear what your thinking:)
Thank you for your love and support,